Growing pains 12252008

Everyday we grow older but I believe that we have been deceived not to realize this until there is some sort of stimulation. Sometimes its a friend's wedding, a relative's passing, the birth of a child, or even the holidays. For me the last rang true today. As I prepared for our tradition Christmas Eve festivities, I was alerted by my mother that I would be the one driving this year because she was not going. She gave me the power to decide whether or not I would continue the tradition. It felt surreal, but I obliged because I genuinely wanted to celebrate. My family usually plays with their gifts in the hours following opening them. I opted to take a nap and when I woke up it was to no surprise that they were still at it. When asked why I chose not to participate by my sister, my mother contended, 'He is a grown man, he doesn't have to stay up here with us.' Let it be known that sh meant no harm by it, she was just stating what I felt. Honestly, I felt too old to sit up and play along with everyone. Maybe not old, but just a lack of feeling familial at the moment.

I returned upstairs a few times to see the atmosphere of the family, making sure that I was kept in the loop about when we were departing for my grandmother's, another tradition. Unfortunately, I was left behind with out any indication of the family's departure.

Through these events I realized that I am growing up and practices that were once unspoken are relics of the past. The cliche fits, a closed mouth does not get fed. Although I live in my parent's house, I have a unique freedom. The freedom of a man but the privilege of a minor. I don't know how I feel about it and I can't determine if this situation is beneficial for my current situation.