12102008

I can't think of a decent title for this post because I feel that what ever I would choose to name this would limit my writing. This is not dedicated to anyone or any particular thing, just my written (typed) expression of my emotions that have been in collusion with me for a while. I know that at the moment things can not be as I would like, because if they were 'He' would not be in the equation. If 'He' was not in the equation, then maybe you would be free to breathe me. If 'He' was not in the picture, I am damn sure you would not have to decide whether to chase pavements. If 'He' was not in the situation, I would have made my vocal proclamation that my feelings for you run deep. If 'He' was nowhere to be found in the pages when they write about your life, I would be there writing our great story.

These feelings, ones that have not been felt in sometime, have given me hope for the future. They give me an escape from the my reality and allow my heart to be synchronized with my brain on in the realm of intimate relationships. I have been hurt by one with whom I shared the same feelings. That pain and anguish was assuaged when I realized that there is hope for me and I melted and fantasied about me and you, making a commitment. This whisper from the deep recesses of my consciousness took root as I slept next to 'Him' all I could think about was you. About what I would give to have you instead of 'Him' at the moment. I thought about how splendid it would be if it was you that gently tapped me to awake me instead of 'Him'.

But I know my place and I have my pillars that prevent me from making the moves that my heart wants.