Here We Go Again 02272009a

These feelings are coming back to me. I don't feel that it is a good thing either. I am reverted back to the kid I was looking for any attention from anywhere. That is the spirit I posses, but the mind and rationale are of my adolescent self, the one that learned how to do without the affection and attention of others. These two personae are at a clash with each other because they are from two different parts of my life. The kid is trying to find his place and left wondering what will happen to his family once this divorce is settled. A child thrown into adult problems, while not being buffered for the situation, naturally wants to find a place to run and hide. The adolescent who searched for understanding and affection in all the wrong places, finds that abandonment is a source of motivation. Compelling him to move past the issues of the past to focus on the present and future.

With time taking a seemingly immortal quality, the confrontation between the two wages on in my mind. The child, still looking for things to cope with, and the adolescent, looking to move past the pain. Both a part of each other and share the feeling of being empty. A void cast in the nether of the soul that has not been properly evaluated. This abyss takes on a toxic characteristic, infecting different aspects of life, hoping to incapacitate the body. I will move past this, something will intercede and take my mind off of things, it always does.

Wedding Bells 02272009

One of my close friends asked me a question the other day. He asked if I planned on being married. It forced me to confront an uncertainty about my future that I deliberately forced out of focus of my plans for the future. I know I will acquire a degree, be successful, maybe teach and in a more remote sense, start a family. None of these plans require a significant other nor do I find a necessity for one. Not given the political sanctions against same-sex marriages, I just don't feel that I will get married. I feel that I will not find someone who I can envision sharing my world with and sharing in his. And I am perfectly fine being single, I have hobbies, interest and most importantly family and friends to run to when something is bad. Truthfully, a significant other is a liability for me. When in a relationship, one has to worry about so much, and its magnified in this inglorious 'pop' life that I am in. I don't have time for it, not a second to wait. I have things to do for me and no one is going to hinder my progress except me.

Get on my level....please 02242009a

I know there are a number of reasons for being single. One that I have found true today is that I may be a little too much for guys. I really think that my use of certain words and topics goes over people's head. I don't say this to be funny or to come of as conceited. My rationale is that I sometimes stump my friends and peers, why wouldn't I do the same to people who don't know the difference between their and there or your and you're? So I'll add to the list of what I look for in a partner, INTELLIGENCE.

In the spirit 02242008

As we are approaching the season of Lent, I find it a topic of discussion to talk about what people are giving up. I am always amused when I encounter people who respond with, 'Are you Catholic?'. From my understanding, Lent is a season to mimic Jesus' pilgrimage through the desert for 40 days and 40 nights while he resisted temptation from the devil. Since when have Christians not wanted to be like our Savior? This is a testament of how indulgent we have become and how easily we forget that sacrifice is a way to be closer to God. It also reaffirms my decision to be more spiritual than religious, the myriad denominations have really clouded the minds, hearts, and spirits of the masses. Of all the ways to be like Christ, I would think Lent provides the best opportunity. If you feel that the task of giving up a particular vice is too heavy, give up something small, like soda, sweets, or tv. I gave up soda last year, this year I'm going a little bigger. Say bye to chicken, turkey and beef, I'll just be on fish, veggies and fruit.

Irking 02162009a

Sometimes I see things and they make me question a person's intentions. Then I see that same thing a couple of times and realize that its a trend. My rationality is thrown off of its course to find an equilibrium and I chuck it up to some fad that people mindlessly follow because its cool. So here are a couple of those things, amendments will be made later:

• P3opl3 th@t typ3 l!k3 th!s- it takes way longer for you to find a chacter that looks like a letter. You could use that time to come up with something more thought provoking. Or better yet, you can save it for when you're on your deathbed.
  
• Avatars that are not an accurate representation- I have no problem with someone utilizing the veil of 'anonymity' of the internet to create different personas, but could we keep some type of reality in it. Truly, how many of us can claim to be God's gift to the world (that line is wrong on SOOOOO many levels). And if you have to be hetero to be called a playboy....
• Airing dirty laundry on facebook- I'll be the first to admit that I am a facebook-aholic, but I am always aware of what information is posted about me and in relation to me. Facebook is not the place to tell your baby daddy that he is late on his child support (don't laugh, I've seen it). While we are on the subject, you shouldn't have in excess of 25 notes published on facebook. If you that good of a damn writer, invest in a blog.
  

• Softening the blows of reality with 'happy euphenisms'- If I'm not performing up to par, I'm not performing up to par. It insults me when you criticize by saying it is an opportunity for me to be better. Likewise, if you are an alcoholic, don't expect me to soften the blow by saying you are dependent on depressants.

Hmmm, I think I did something similar to this already. I hope I didn't repeat anything.

Pan's Labyrinth 02162009

I have been trying to watch this movie for the LONGEST time. I didn't get wind of it until it was out of theaters or at least not until I heard the buzz it was making at the Academy Awards. It only showed up in my radar a couple of times after that, most of those being when I couldn't access it(see no funds). Lately I have been frantically searching for it, asking friends, relatives, etc. about it. Come to find out my stepfather has a copy and its been in his possession for over a year now. You know I had to cop that!

I finally got myself in the mood to watch it and I am almost at a lost for words. There is so much about the movie that I liked. The authenticity of speaking Spanish; the storyline and its overtones (I gotta watch it again to give details); the music; the characters and what they represented; and most importantly, the feelings that arose while I watched the movie. I won't go into great detail about it here, but just know that I will be purchasing my copy soon. And by copy I am talking about the special edition...hell, I'll even buy that book that I saw in Borders not too long ago.

Talk about nostalgia 02142009a

I got so wrapped up in what's out in the music world now that I almost completely forgot about the foundation set with the music from the late 60's to early 80's. You have probably heard your elders refer to it as that 'good music'; a time when music had meaning; the genre my band director affectionately calls the 'blue light special'. I'm talking about The Stylistics, The Emotions, The Delfonics, Smokey Robinson, etc.

People making the world go around while asking have you seen her; Seconding emotions while wondering what the lonely do at Christmas. Getting that natural high, finding love on a two way street, all the while proclaiming that you ain't too proud to beg.

I'll give my father credit for very few things in my life. I dedicate my accomplishments to spite him, but I will give him the credit for introducing me to this good music. Good looking Eddie, you're not a complete failure.

Because I felt like I needed an update 02142009

Oh gosh, as I type the date for this post, I realize that its Valentine's Day. The day where everyone that is in a relationship puts on a show to profess how much they love their significant other. Russ Parr said it best, its a day for you to get gifts at work to show off. A competition of sorts, and why should I be surprised, this is an American made and profitably holiday. When its Thanksgiving, its who cooks the best macaroni and cheese or bastes the best turkey; when it comes to Christmas, its who gets the best gift or newest toy; when it comes to Halloween...well you get my point.

As much as I try to push past the commercialism of the 'holiday', I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on something. For the 22 V-Day's that I have lived through I would consider only the ones after 14 to count. And for each of those I have been alone...single...without a date. Oh well, I guess its tradition and a tempo set for the rest of my life...or something I can't see yet. I pray its the latter.

25 Randoms 02092009

I:

1. have never seen The Wiz
2. thrive in ambiguity
3. try to be a nonconformist
4. think that most holidays are over commercialized
5. love to play devil's advocate
6. had a tv fall on my head when I was younger
7. got locked in founders library my freshman year at Howard
8. have dropped at least one class every semester I've been in school
9. know how to install a toilet
10. strive to be successful to spite my father
11. have a piercing that is only visible in certain situations
12. applied to Howard as a music education major
13. cried at the opening scene of Scream 2
14. find out new things about myself everyday
15. love to use unfamiliar words to express myself
16. have never had a desire to play basketball
17. am more spiritual than religious
18. seek to better myself so that I can help others
19. perform better under pressure
20. love to laugh
21. hate when people say that a recently released movie is the best movie of all time.
22. can comfortably sleep in a twin size bed
23. cut pork out my diet
24. let my imagination run wild when I walk alone
25. have been on Facebook since December 2004

Twitt Twitt...Follow Me 02042009

Omg, I am falling in love with twitter more and more. It connects you with people you may or may not know and keeps you connect with what they are doing. I have about 20 followers and I'm following 16 (Im selective about who I follow). Two of the people I follow happen to be Janelle Monae and Solange. So I was inspired to tell you guys about Twitter because what I just read. Ok, so here's the scoop. Solange has been sick for a couple of days. But she has to perform in LA tonight. In another part of the day Janelle says shes excited to see Solange perform tonight. Then Solange replies "@janellemonae ok here's the plan, if I start looking weak, nasous, or just sound a sick mess. Grab the mic, hit em with many moons and no one will complain, ok buddddyyyy??"
How cool is that???