At the crossroads 03302009

It seems that I can go months on end without any deep personal connections. I live the single life in the truest sense of the word, solely. Then there come one, who I think could be the one. I engage them and they engage me, we exchange ideas, thoughts, feelings, but are sure not to sour the experience by sharing flesh. There is always apprehension for either one of us to admit the feelings, but it is assuaged when we realize that they are reciprocated. Then it falls of somehow, not always intentionally or directly, but the situation reaches the precipice where its do or die. This gives way for someone else to enter and form a bond, sometimes seemingly more sturdy than the initial. The scene replays with the exchanges and it feels good until reality hits and I realize that the script has been adapted for a different medium, but the cast has changed. With prior obligations/ties to the former, I am stuck at the crossroads.

Its been awhile since I've made a post, and I don't have anything in particular to post at the moment. I will definitely do an overhaul when I get the time. Until then, SAYONARA!

Six Degrees of Separation 03122009

They say that everyone on the planet is connected to someone else by 6 steps. But I have noticed in the past couple of weeks that certain communities are linked even closer, which is not always a good thing. Maybe its the many sites that we frequent or just the growing number of people that are 'out', but I feel that it s really getting out of hand in the DC gay community. Everytime I turn around, I see someone that knows someone that I talked to or messed with. And then it gets worse when I hear about all the hook ups and 'friendships' that happen between people that I would have thought are worlds apart. It seems that everyone knows everything about everyone through everyone. I mean this to say that person A knows about person J because persons B-I talked to both people and everyone in between. This shit is fustrating and I can't wait til I move away!!

In the words of... 03102009a

With this off time from school, I have more time to read books at leisure. I started with a required reading for my Orientation class, "Succeeding Against the Odds," the story of John H. Johnson. I'm more than halfway through the book, but I see that he possessed a lot of wisdom and the text is definitely quotable. Here are a few:

• "Most of the Problems of American industry, including the failure to anticipate and adapt changes in the electronic and car industries, can be traced to the fatal disease "WWY'-what worked yesterday."
• "You can't be satisfied with yesterday's success, no matter how enjoyable or satisfying it might be. And you're a fool if you think that what you did yesterday is going to satisfy your customers or your board or your wife forever."
• "And I'm convinced that the only way to get ahead in this world is to live and sell dangerously. You've got to live beyond your means. You've got to commit yourself to an act or a vision that pulls you further than you want to go and forces you to use your hidden strength."
• "A small step gives you the confidence to make a big step. And a big step gives you courage to run."

I feel that these quotes can be adopted into mantra that transcend the business world. Thanks John H. Johnson

Updating 03102009

So the past couple of weeks (or just a month) has been really trying for me. After being purged from the university system, I was on the search for a job. At the end of two weeks I got two job offers, both of which I took. So I'm working part-time at both jobs trying to make sure that my bills get paid. The good thing about working the jobs is that they are different in terms of pay. One is paid by the hour the other is a serving gig. So I collect money each week and that's all good for me!

Love life, eh. Something is blooming, but its still too early to give any details. At this point I'm just admiring through the computer, and we all know how that can go awfully wrong.

Fitness *psigh* I am really holding out from doing any exercise until I get my hands on an ipod, I just feel so incomplete without one. And once I get that almighty 'cash flow', I will definitely be on the lookout for a gym with a pool. Ya boy likes to be aquatic!

Strength In An Adversary 03042009a

Today I took Kazuki up on a friendly wager. As a means to motivate each other to lose weight and workout more, we are in competition to see who can lose the most weight by the end of the month. Currently I am 257.8, I will keep you guys posted on where I stand week by week.

While I Was Out 03042009

I had the pleasure of hanging out with Divo yesterday and he showed me the latest Madonna pics in W. This shit is FIYAH!!! I don't know how many other 50 year olds can look this good, do you? These were just a few of my faves, check out the rest.

It is but a dream 03022009a

I have grown very weary of the internet dating scene. I won't go into detail, but I definitely don't find it healthy to a budding relationship to be sitting on sites all day waiting for someone to respond to a message. In time, as I grow stronger, I will be able to do without them. I am pressing towards that mark with my fantasy of meeting a stand-up kind of guy.

Me and Mel talked about it (and the Divo earlier tonight) some time ago, about how we would like to be approached in a setting that is a little picturesque. Personally, I would like to be browsing the collection of graphic novels in Border's, in my own little world when I spot someone out the corner of my eye. At first glance I can just tell that he's well put together. Intelligent. Humorous. Eccentric. Worldly. Attractive. Worth the building anxiety that I feel as awkward eye glances are captured in time immortal. The shyness would build in me and I would turn in the opposite direction only to be tapped by him. Turning to greet a beautiful face and extended arm that would accompany his introduction. Thrown off my balance, I would quickly try to find a way to regain control by asking questions and trying to keep him engaged. Seemingly he would try to end the conversation but prompt me with his number and a salutation saying that he expects to hear from me soon.

Ahh, a man can dream can't he

We are all our own devil 03022009

I heard this song on a commercial last night and have totally fallen in love with it! Definitely going to cop this from iTunes on Friday.

Take responsibility 03012009

Some years back I caught an episode of Family Matters. I can't remember the plot of the particular episode, but Eddie used Steve for something that didn't go as planned and blamed Steve for the end result. Laura called Eddie out on his transgression in the living room. In a beautiful dramatic fashion she accused him of 'shirkin and blamin'. Eddie's next action prompted Laura to say 'shirk' and the next was met with her 'blame'.

This scene played in my mind as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. The subject was about his early weekend activities that left him bewildered. In the end he found that people in his area have a complex that requires them to sport partners like they are the hottest LV bag or Dolce bag. In his particular case, a dude wanted to play the victim when the blame was definitely on him. He was in fact, shirking the responsibility and blaming it on someone else.

In this lifestyle we find it so easy to do this. When something is broken, it is much easier to escape accusations by designating a scapegoat. This action has been repeated time and time again in history on a macro level, but one would think when it came to relations between brothers the same would not hold true. Lets stop the shirkin & blamin and be real about it, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY NIGGA!!