Seven Days

If you ask for my number I am under the impression that you are interested in talking to me, so I give it up. We may talk for few days, even meet up and go on a few dates, but I have an expiration date on your number being in my phone. I give you seven days from the last day of contact and then you get the boot. Why should you take up space in my phone when you have easily dismissed me? Seven whole days is a long time for you to get your mind together or for you go sow your oats (messing with every other brotha that happens to be in your phone). Why should I be left to wait when you made the decision to not tell me where things were going or how you were no longer interested? Its cool though, just don't get caught in your feelings when you come a ringing some time later and I treat you like a stranger.

'Seven whole days....I can't take it...I'd rather be on my own.' Toni Braxton

All 4 U

In reference to my last post, I will attempt to clear somethings up:

• Me and X had an intimate oral session over the summer.
  
• The pretense that I assumed (shame on me) was that maybe we could work things out this time around and maybe a relationship could spring from it.
  
• I feel mostly slighted because X got a boo but still tryna get the goods...WHERE THEY DO THAT AT??
  

Silly Rabbit, Trix Are For Kids

Oh boy, if only I would take the advice given through the advertisement. I almost set myself up this time, but glad that things didn't work out the way that me and another party planned. If they had, I may have been coming here on a different tone. I'll try to make this synopsis as quick as possible:

Me and X messed around over the summer and it was good. Communication went hay wire and things didn't go through as I had originally hoped (my ego was a little bruised). X goes back to school, we try to keep in contact. One night says he wants to recapture what we had in the summer. I play into it and say we should talk and it comes out that he doesn't know and can't really articulate because he's in mixed company. I consider the ball dropped. He hits me up this weekend, while I'm drinking at the bar (big no no for me, accursed drunk texting). It turns me on and I want to go through with it. I plan for Monday but he's busy, thus the ball is dropped.

And the plot thickens; now X has been going on for some weeks about a twitter crush, even going so far as to refer to that party as babe (of course I have nothing wrong with that). I thought things had cooled down, but I see today that X and the new one are getting it in. I absolutely have no problem with him starting something, I actually wish him well. I do have a problem with the exchange of words that lull me under the pretense that something good could possibly come from it. Tried to play me for the fool, but circumstances prevented me from actually being ensnared by your tricks mister. And its cool, I won't hold a grudge...I'll be a gentleman and play that ass to the left the next time you come at me that way.

'Ha ha who who, thought you'd get the money too, greedy muthafucka try to have his cake and eat it too' -Janet Jackson

Yea, umm about that

I know I was supposed to be putting myself off of sex until 2010, but temptation got the best of me. AND BOY WAS IT GOOD!!! I really could have lost myself in the moment, giving up the penultimate treasure of penetration but my rationale was working hard to prevent me. I wanted to so badly, but I am equally glad that I didn't because once the climax was reached, I was able to see clearly. This was nothing but a jump off type thing and I respect myself too much to lose my 'virginity' to a nameless spectre.

I had some sort of vision while 'gettin it in'. It took me back to Yu-Yu Hakusho and the Chapter Black Saga. The main antagonist, Sensui, was later revealed to have 7 different personalities that had different archetypes. I forgot all the details for their creation (note to self: re-visit The Chapter Black Saga), and its not really necessary for the point I am about to present: What if each one of us carried 7 personalities inside, each embodying a different type of deadly sin (Greed, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Pride, Wrath). You have to agree that situations arise where using one of these forces would prove to be very beneficial to us. And it doesn't have to be the most extreme form of the sin, just enough of it that takes us out of our equilibrium and aligns us with one them. I would think that yesterday's occurrence definitely put me in line with Lust. I could have given in and let it possess me, fulfilling latent desires and partaking in carnal pleasure. It would have been a very fond memory for me, but I am glad I held to myself.

If nothing else, this entry could definitely be used as the plot point for a wicked storyline. (something to ponder)

Music Tuesday

Alright, its been a while since I've done this, but these two song have been in my head all weekend.

The first is Ms. Alicia Keys with 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' I heard this song some weeks ago and some of my friends clowned the video as a rip from Heroes. I didn't like it then but it has definitely grown on me. I GOTTA cop that new LP before this week is over.




The second is from Kings of Leon with 'Notion'. I love Anthony Followill's voice!! This is another album I have to pick up quick!

Looking back

I had trouble spelling when I was growing up. When I tried to write girl, I would get gril or solider for soldier. I remember I misspelled birthday on someone's drawing. They laughed and it really hurt my feelings so I started to read and memorize the words that were difficult for me to spell. And now I see why I am so big on proper spelling.

'Its all in what you do'

I really love topics that me and Mel discuss. They start at point A but could easily go through the entire alphabet twice if we allowed (always going off on tangents we go). The subject of being of your actions and not of your words came up in one of our recent conversations. At this point in our lives, we are both not impressed with the pickings of men that we have begun to entertain. Everyone is familiar with associates talking big game and not backing it up, but our problem comes from mixed messages. Your words say that you are interested but your actions paint a different picture. I don't want a box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers, just a little action on your part to tell me that you are interested. I am very adept at reading messages so much so that I my subconscious thoughts and actions are fueled by the messages I receive. So if you want me to stay around just act like it, because I am through with waiting to hear words.

I'm Still Around

Oh boy, I really have been neglecting my precious blog, my bad. I had planned for some good posts, but the thoughts come to me at the most random moments and by the time I get to a computer I have forgotten the subject. So I'm just going to type what I've been feeling the past couple of weeks.

One of my twitter buddies put me on this 30 days of abstinence. I took it up because I felt that it would give me a clear mind, especially after leaving those sites behind. I can't tell you what it has done exactly, but I have been able to think with more clarity. I feel the creative juices flowing without any obstructions. Self-confidence is on another level, I feel sure of myself and comfortable in my skin. I have made the challenge now to go into the New Year without any sexual contact (doesn't mean I don't touch myself though, lol). With side effects like that, I'd be a fool to desert this journey.

I think my manager at my second job hits on me. I don't take offense because I am interested in playing this game out. The job reminds me why I wanted to get out of retail but it also gives me the opportunity to be around what I love, MEDIA (movies, music and video games). The pay sucks, but I do my job well and rack up on hours (maybe that's an effect of flirting with the boss, lol).

I am SO thankful for the friends I have in my life. They got my back and we can talk about anything (and I don't have to worry about it being used against me). The word gets thrown around a lot but I have really come to hold my friends in such esteem that I will refer to all others as associates. When asked, 'Why don't you call them friends?' I will give them same answer.

I am trying to get my head in on the photoshop business. The current banner is my latest work, featuring my brother. Took my 3 hrs and a very informative YouTube tutorial. I tell myself that I will update it weekly, but we shall see how that goes.

All right, I think I'm tapped out for now.